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Monday, October 22nd, 2007
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been in the worst mood lately. it seems like i'm always stuck between where i am in life and where i want to be. i almost landed a sweet job recently and i fucked it up .. go me. wish i could catch a break but i guess there's no one to blame but myself. just kinda sucks to see everyone around me doing fine and i feel like i've been wasting my life. i suppose i'm better off being out of the military, but now i'm just back where i started before i enlisted. i feel like having a nervous breakdown sometimes but i don't think my emotions are capable of that. i want a relationship but i'm in no position to pursue one. i need a career (or a job with similar benefits) but it seems like that's not happening anytime soon. i need a car but i still have to pay off my old one. winning the lottery would be nice, but speaking from experience i know that nothing will ever be handed to me (so it seems). i don't know, i just haven't been happy with myself lately. there are some other things that have really been bothering me that i won't mention here, and i feel like i've been pushing the people that are close to me away, but maybe i just need some time alone to figure things out... i don't know
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Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
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so i'm leaving for Omaha NE to see 311 on thursday with Brian, Sean, Ali, Jay, Shannon, and Darcy and i can't fkn wait .. this trip is gonna be ridiculus...
confused about everything else in my life...
i'll probably update this thing again in another month or 2...
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| Time: | 3:29 pm. |
| Mood: |  triple?. | | Music: | ipod nourishment. |
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pigeon missile .. HA!
that is all.
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Saturday, March 31st, 2007
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| Time: | 3:03 am. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | something good. |
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You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.
hmm...
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Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
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sooo good to be home. time to make up for time lost...
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Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
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so i'm finally starting the paperwork to get out of the navy, so expect me home sometime in the next couple weeks. i can't wait...
also, this weekend was awesome to say the least. shannon and her boyfriend J.D. came out here and we basically went everywhere in southern cali. huntington, venice, laguna, orange county, san diego, the desert, they got to check out tijuana .. so all in all, it was busy weekend and it was great to see shannon and meet her boyfriend. i don't think i've had that much fun in a long time.
i'll update more as i get closer to coming home.
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Sunday, January 7th, 2007
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so here's a little update on my situation...
right now i'm waiting for the navy to send me the fuck home. i might as well not even be here right now cause i don't even have to show up to work anymore. actually, it's kind of nice to be able to basically tell my superiors to fuck off .. my cheif especially, because he's been an asshole to me ever since i got to this ship. a couple weeks ago he started yelling at me and told me he was gonna "throw me to the ground", and i was like (in these exact words) "you're not gonna do shit. if you put you're fuckin' hands on me i'll punch you in the face .. i don't give a fuck." and then i walked away and he hasn't said shit to me since... normally i would've kept my cool and just walked away, but since i came into the navy my temper has grown pretty short. i need to get out of here so i never have to deal with people like that ever again. they think that because they have authority over you it gives them the right to treat you like a piece of shit. it really pisses me off. the also blocked my internet account here cause i kept getting past the ships firewall to get on myspace, so that's why i'm not online that often. whatever...
so on a lighter note, i bought a sweet new digital camera a while back, so i've been driving around cali taking a shitload of pictures all along the pacific coast. i have a lot of pics from orange county, laguna beach, and hollywood especially. as excited as i am to come home, i'm really gonna miss california. it's amazing out here and the weather is always perfect.
anyway, i need to get some sleep. i'll try to keep everyone updated as things progress. i shouldn't be here for more than another month, cause i'm sure they don't wanna keep me here for too much longer, considering i don't work anymore.
well, til next time... hope to see you all very soon. goodnight.
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Friday, November 24th, 2006
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so one of my punishments for getting kicked out of the navy was the brig (military jail) for 30 days. i just finished that, so i should be home sometime in the next few weeks. i can't wait, i'm so excited to come home. i'll update this thing later with more info. stay tuned...
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Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
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so i'm gonna be home sometime in the next few months... for good.
yeah...
long story short, i got in trouble again and i'm getting out of the navy...
i don't feel like writing about exactly what happened right now, but basically i went down to mexico with a couple friends and someone said something about it and my command found out, so i'll be out of the navy i'd say within the next month or 2.
the good part of this story is that i'll be getting what's called an administrative separation, which means that it's not gonna screw up the rest of my life. it's probably the best thing i could have gotten, short of finishing out my contract.
i think this is just really what i need right now. i'm gonna be working full time when i get home to get my finances in order, and then i'm gonna go back to school. i think those are reasonable short term goals, and it will definitely help me get back on the right track being back home. i've come to realize that i need my friends and family around me for me to be happy and content with life, it's just that simple. hopefully these aren't meaningless words coming out of my mouth. i hope this is my wake-up call, cause i'm 21 years old now, and i need to start working towards a career that i want.
i will say though, i have so much motivation to be home right now, and working full time is gonna be easy compared to the navy. not to mention i'll be making much more money than i do here.
i am a little disappointed in myself though. i mean, it seems like everything i do just doesn't work out for me. i'm also a little ashamed to say that i'm getting kicked out of the navy. this isn't how i wanted to go out. i mean, what will people think of me now? i kind of feel like a failure at life right now, and i'm a bit pissed off at myself that i let it get to this point, but maybe this is for the best. i knew the navy wasn't right for me from the start, and this past year and a half has been the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with. i just don't want anyone to think differently of me now. it's going to be especially hard for me to explain why this happened to everyone who believed in me and said they were proud of me and that i could get through this. it wasn't my intention to get kicked out, and i don't think the mistakes i've made justify this punishment.
i don't know... i'm not in the mood at this point to write anything more, but i'm looking foreward to seeing everyone again, and i'll update a little more in the next few days...
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Sunday, September 17th, 2006
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where do i begin...
so i haven't been able to leave my ship for about a month now and i think i'm going crazy. i feel like i'm in prison. i've been in a really weird mood lately, and i don't like it at all. i don't know what's up with me... i'm at a point right now where i seriously just don't care about anything except home. i'm not sure if i'm depressed or just really stressed out, but i'm just not happy with the way my life is right now. what's worse is that there's a good chance i won't be coming home for christmas or any time before then. i honestly don't know what to do, or what i'm going to do... half of me just wants to say fuck it and try to get out of the navy, because i know it would make me happy, but the other half is telling me i shouldn't. i'm so lost and confused right now... i should have seen this coming. i don't know why i ever thought the military was the right choice for me. i know i want to do something important with my life, but this isn't it. i want to go back to school. i want to find a career that i like. i want to eventually get married and have kids. i want to settle down and enjoy life, and being here will make that almost impossible to accomplish.
who knows how this is all gonna turn out... do i find a way out, or do i suck it up and just deal with it for the next 2 1/2 years? the answer to that question is about as obvious as flipping a coin. if i know one thing, it's that i don't want to make the wrong decision. it seems like my whole life has been filled with regrets, and i don't know how many more i can take.
home feels like a million miles away right now...
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Saturday, August 26th, 2006
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updated myspace a little bit. i'll put more pics up soon too.
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Friday, August 11th, 2006
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i suppose i should explain that last entry, so...
this past wednesday night i got a DUI coming back from the beach. now, the reason i'm so pissed about it is as follows:
i went to the beach at around 6pm. upon arriving, over the course of about an hour or 2, i drank 3 beers. ok.
at around 10pm, i drove back to base.
now, keep in mind that my usual drinking night consists of about 15 or 20 beers.
now, at this point i'm not drunk and i don't even have a buzz whatsoever, i just want to go back to base and get a good night sleep. DUI doesn't even slightly cross my mind.
so i get to the base, and as i'm pulling up to the gate, i have to turn my headlights off because it blinds the guards and it's a rule.
so i get through the gate fine BUT i forget to turn my lights back on for about 10 seconds. when i get around the first turn, i realize this and turn my lights back on.
then i see a base cop heading the opposite way coming towards me, and i stop to turn into the barracks parking lot to drop off my friend before going back to the ship, and he stops right next to me and tells me i was driving with my headlights off. so i say "i realize that sir. i just forgot to turn them back on right away coming through the gate, i appologize."
then he looks at me with an "i'm an egocentric rent-a-cop and i need to look at you like you're an idiot" type of look, then says "go ahead and pull over right there." and i'm thinking "what the fuck?".
i pull over.
he tells me to get out of the car and the asks me "how much have you had to drink tonight?", and i say, "i had a couple beers a few hours ago at the beach" because i knew he was going to give me a breathalyzer test anyway.
at this point, he gives me a field sobriety test (walk a strait line, follow my finger with your eyes, etc...) and i pass each test easily.
then, the breathalyzer. now keep in mind that the california state BAC limit is 0.08.
i blow a 0.07. that's about 2 beers.
now here's the part that really pisses me off.
apparently the base BAC limit is 0.05.
what the fuck. that's 1 beer. you gotta be fucking kidding me.
DUI.
now here's what i'm going to get for it:
45-60 days restriction. that means i can't step foot off the ship the entire time. basically, imprisonment.
reduction in rank, which will take about $150 out of my paycheck every month.
1/2 months pay x2. there's another $500 out of my pay for 2 months.
no driving on base for 1 year, and the base is in a bad area of san diego, so there's a good possibility that my car could get stolen or fucked up in the time it sits on the street off base through my restriction.
it's gonna be $400 to get my car out of the impound IF i can get it out tomorrow, which hopefully i can.
also, i'll just throw in that my car still doesn't have a passenger-side window after getting broken into the 1st time, and when it was broken into, it was only on the street for 2 nights.
i'll go on restriction most likely this week.
therefor...i'm fucked.
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pissed entry.
i hate the navy.
i'm pretty much completely fucked right now.
i miss everyone. i need to see all my friends and family.
i need to go back to a normal life.
i need to go back home.
i'm fucked for approximately the next 2 months.
i wish i would wake up one day and have all my problems just disappear. i'm soooo stressed out right now. i don't know what the hell i'm doing here. sure, i'm in the military, but what does that mean? all it's done is multiply my problems. i really need to get out, i don't know how much longer i can deal with all the bullshit that goes on here.
god i miss home.
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Saturday, June 24th, 2006
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fuck...the...navy...
so talk about working 24/7. today is the first day off i've had in like 3 weeks. yesterday (friday) we had to work from 5am to 1am. i mean, give me a fucking break, a 20 hour work day? what the fuck. that's beginning to be a more common thing lately, where we work all day and never get any free time. why the fuck did i ever join the fucking military? there's basically nothing good about it, except for the fact you get to see a lot of different places, but it's not even worth it. not to mention the fact that i need permission from my whole fucking command just to go see my fucking friends and family, and if they don't feel like letting me go, then there's nothing i can do about it. and fuck all these assholes with a higher rank than me. holy shit, you've been in the navy 3 years more than i have, so i have to treat you like you're gods gift to the fucking world. i also have to live back on the ship because my cheif (who could've gotten me a permanent barracks room) doesn't like me. and then i'm like "cheif, i have too much stuff, it won't all fit on the ship", and he's like "you're gonna have to keep the rest of your stuff in your car". oh really? well, about 4 days after i put all my shit in my trunk, my fucking car got broken into. so after they smashed my passenger side window (which is gonna cost me like $300 to replace) they stole about $500-$600 worth of cd's and dvd's, my digital camera with all my pictures from back home, and my fucking guitar.
on top of all this, i feel like i'm getting more and more distant from all my friends, because i never have any fucking free time to talk to them and i can never get leave to go home. i'm so disconnected from everyone back home, and it fucking sucks.
let me give you all some advice...
if you ever have even the slightest urge to join the military, go ahead and punch yourself in the face and then think about this whole entry. that's what your life will be like for 4 or 5 years if you join. i say this for your own good, because being in the navy is about as cool as lighting your cock on fire and trying to put it out with gasoline.
in conclusion...
fuck the fucking navy.
fuck.
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Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
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finally updating after quite a while...
god i need a new phone. i haven't talked to any of you guys in like 2 months. i've been really busy lately. what have i been up to you ask? well...
my ship went up to victoria canada for a few weeks, basically just to go there, but it was pretty fun. kinda reminded me of montreal in a way. the first night we were there, i somehow ended up in some girls house after consuming large amounts of tequila... go figure... so that was interesting. i also rented a car up there and a couple friends and i went out to the mountains and hung out by this lake. it was pretty cool.
last week, my ship went into the yards, where they're just going to be fixing it up for a couple months. it sucks though, cause usually we'll get to work at like 6am and get out at like 8 or 9pm. i've been working my ass off lately, that's why i haven't been online at all.
speaking of online, aim doesn't work on these computers. it will log me in, but i can't send or recieve im's at all. doesn't make sense, but it pisses me off.
god i miss all you guys. i'm definately coming home sometime in the next few months. i need to figure out the best time to come so i can see everyone. leave me comments to give me an idea of when to come home. i'll most likely be home for 2 weeks, so we'll all have to plan some good stuff to do.
p.s. so originally i signed up for a 5 year contract with the navy, but i just found out that because i lost my school, i don't have to do the extra year. so now i only have about 3 years left. i know that's still a long time, but it's better than 4.
i think i'm gonna go buy a phone card, so i'm going to try to call everyone in the very near future.
miss you guys, and hope to talk to you all soon.
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Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
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so i lost my phone/got it stolen in tijuana mexico last weekend... so i lost every single number i had, which really sucks. so please leave your number and any other number that you think i would want or might need. i would really appreciate it.
in other news, california is just one big experience. i've only been here for a month and already i've seen/done so much. the only problem is, i feel so disconnected from everyone back home. especially since i lost my cell phone. i can't wait to come home this summer. possibly this spring, but i'm shooting for summer so i can see more people.
well, mexico is absolutely insane. if you want to feel like a rock star, go there. i'm not sure if shannon's back yet, but i'm sure she knows what i mean... u.s. money is basically gold down there, and everywhere i've gone i'm treated like a god. it's kind of weird, but cool at the same time.
i'd like to tell everyone some of my other experiences, but due to the fact that i don't know exactly who reads this, i'll hold off.
i need to get some sleep now, so i'll probably update in a few days. but please leave numbers that you think i'll need, cause i'd like to build my phone book back up. thank you.
p.s. i miss you guys...
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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
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| Time: | 9:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  fuckkkk.... | | Music: | well, i have approx. 3000 songs on my ipod. |
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bored? yeah, that's right, i'm finally bored in san diego, due to the fact that i'm 100% broke until either march 1st or my taxes come back. god, why must i waste all my money going out drinking? i'm terrible with money. everytime i get paid i have this sudden urge to just go out and party my ass off. i really need to stop doing that so much... but i won't.
anyway, i should be coming home either this spring or this summer. i'll probably try for summer cause i know that a lot of people will be home, but we'll see. maybe i'll even get to come home for more than 10 days next time.
speaking of home, the longer i'm away from it makes me realize how much longer i'll be gone for. it seems like just yesterday i was home not even thinking about the military. i wish i would've figured out how easy it could have been to pick myself back up and get on with my life. it almost feels like i'm no better off here than i was back home. i mean, i know that's not really true, but i just really miss beverly/salem and all of you guys.
as much as i like it out here, i haven't really met any good friends yet. i know i will eventually, but it feels weird being the new guy here. so far everyone's been pretty cool though.
in lighter news, i just printed out my tax form and i'm getting back almost $1,500. that will be nice... i'm sure i could get a good 7 nights of drinking out of that... haha
well, that's all i got right now. i'm gonna try to update myspace sometime soon, so look out for that.
also, come visit me... anyone... right now...
quote of the week - "it smells like fried dick in here"
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craig3101's journal
shitty.
excited.
satisfied.
tired.
indescribable.
drunk.
fucked.
shitty.